2005-09-23 - 7:53 p.m.
A Little Reading Material
Originally posted at my OFC blog on August 13, 2005
I’ve never bought a gift for Clay. Not because I’m cheap, but because I’m married. Well, that, and because I don’t really know what he can do with them all. I’m sure anything I bought for him would be quickly passed off to a friend or recycled in some other way. (Of course this isn’t true for any of the gifts which YOU may have given him; those are all obviously cherished and admired on a daily basis.) I know he’s been spotted in t-shirts and pajama bottoms given to him by fans, and I’m also pretty sure he gets good use out of the boxer shorts he’s given. Actually, one of the cool things about giving him boxers is that you can always imagine that he’s wearing them, unless you know for a fact that he isn’t wearing any underwear at all at the time, which doesn’t seem to happen now as often as it used to.
Underwear can be a lot of fun, too. I know, because I’ve been on a bit of an underwear-buying kick myself recently. Yes, I am officially through with the granny panties! After several years of wearing lower-rise pants, I finally decided that my underwear did NOT need to peek out through the top every time I bent over to get something. Either that, or my daughter decided for me, I can’t remember. (And this wouldn’t be an issue if we were all still wearing our sweaters to the middle of our thighs like we were in the eighties, and may I just say “Thanks, Clay,” for reminding us how big our butts looked in those things? My god, why did we never tell each other? Were we blinded by the leggings? Yikes.) Anyway, I’ve been buying all kinds of cute low-rise underwear, usually meant for teenage girls, so they often have cute pictures or expressions, although I've never really understood who's supposed to be looking at a teenage girl's underwear in the first place.
I bought some cute little cartoon character underwear of Hello Kitty, Tweety Bird, and Minnie Mouse. Of course, guys get waaaay better characters on their underwear, like SpongeBob and Spiderman. And because guys come with their own, um, built-in accessory, they can have even more fun. Just imagine:
Yosemite Sam and his gun (although I hear he’s always popping it off too quickly and often for no good reason);
Harry Potter and his magic wand casting a spell over you;
or Bugs Bunny offering up a nibble of his carrot. I’d bite!
But I digress....underwear with expressions can be even more fun. I’ve got one pair that says “You break it, you buy it” and another that says “Backstage Pass – I’m with the Band.” Hee. I’ll be flashing those at anyone official looking about two weeks from today. I remember what my mama always used to say: If it’s on your underwear it must be true. Oops, hang on. I may be wrong. I think it’s If it’s on your underwear it must be washed. Oh well. It’s still worth a try.
I imagine Clay has received several pairs of personalized boxer shorts over the past couple of years. But because he’s a singer, and because he’s sung sooooo many songs, I realized I wouldn’t have to look that far to personalize something for him. I think he’d find many song titles very meaningful, whether they be from his demos, tv shows, or tours. Maybe even a few songs he didn’t use on tour. Here are a few examples (and feel free to use any of my suggestions):
Saddle Up Your Horses
She Said Yes
Go the Distance
What the World Needs Now
Mack the Knife
Measure of a Man (c’mon, it has to be here!)
Great Balls of Fire
Don’t Be Cruel
Love Me Tender
All Night Long
Rock with You
Whiter Shade of Pale (across the backside, just in case there was any confusion)
End of the Road
Maybe I’m Amazed (I would love to hear him sing this even more than I’d like to see it on his underwear, although either would be good)
The Blood Will Never Lose Its Power (my personal favourite!)
Some songs are clearly for the ladies, so if Clay ever wants to do more than just splash his name across our crotches, he can feel free to use these:
Sugar Sugar
In it, not of it (finally a redeeming use for this song!)
Nights in White Satin
Stuff Like That There
The Girl is Mine
I Can’t Help Myself
Some songs need a few lyrics to truly be appreciated, so buy lots of embroidery thread if you want to make a sampler of these:
Think! About what you’re trying to do to me!
Yummy, yummy, yummy, I’ve got love in my tummy
Nobody gets too much heaven no more;
It’s much harder to come by;
I’m waiting in line.
(Okay, if you’ve heard the AI4 coronation song, Inside Your Heaven, you know what heaven means, right? Don’t make me spell it out for you, but it’s where babies come from.)
Some may need a little tweaking of letters or punctuation, but they still be worth pursuing:
I (“can’t make you”) LOVE ME
Back for More?
Unchain Me
Build Me Up
Can’t buy me, love
Nights on Broad (shoutout to the LBFCA!)
A few songs need to come in his/hers coordinating sets:
For him: Now I know how the river feels
For her: When it reaches the sea
For him: I Will be Here OR I’ll be There
For her: Here, There, and Everywhere (customize the embroidery to your particular preferences)
For Both (the honeymoon set): This is the Night
So many good songs to choose from! However, here are a few he probably doesn’t want to be wearing:
Alone
Solitaire
The Great Pretender
Do You Really Want to Hurt Me
Since my baby left me, I’ve found a new place to dwell
Can’t Touch This (well, maybe he’d like to wear it, but I sure wouldn’t want to be the one sending it to him)
Lastly, Tears of a Clown. I knew I had to do something with this particular song because obviously I took it as a shout-out to MEEEEE! in light of two recent blog entries (written at another site – they’re a little crude) on Clay attending Circus Camp and a suggestion that since he probably doesn’t know much about baseball, he should try thinking of clowns when he needs to, um, control things. But when I started thinking about what the tears of a clown actually looked like, I imagined that they’d probably cake up some of that god-awful face paint, and become all white and thick and sticky. Well, try as I might, I just couldn’t find a clever double entendre for Clay excreting thick white sticky droplets from anywhere on his person. Sorry. I’ll try harder next time.
powered by SignMyGuestbook.com
