2006-02-03 - 2:42 p.m.
Roclay Horror Part 5 – The Finale
This is the final part of a five-part series. Please make sure to click oon Older (on the left) to read the first four entries, if you haven't already done so. I'f you've read the rest, and have just been waiting nearly two weeks for the final installment, let me just recap the cast of characters (in order of appearance):
Brad: Atlanta Audition Clay
Janet: Jaymes Foster-sometimes Levy
Riff Raff: Nick
Magenta: Mary
Columbia: Paula Abdul
Frank: Snarky 90s JBT Clay
Rocky: Rock!Star! Clay, the start of a new narrative
Eddie: Grease Clay
Dr. Scott: Clive Davis
The singing competition is about to begin, so Frank and all his involuntary contestants are running around the backstage area, trying on various costumes, occasionally bumping into each other. Frank has declared that they must all perform in their underwear, but allows them to drape on layer after layer of accessories. There are plenty of ties and feather boas to choose from, along with several funky hats and glasses, and a handful of colorful striped vests. Rocky is a little more buff than the other two guys, so he's not able to button his vest all the way – and he's also not wearing an undershirt. Janet and Columbia spend an inordinate amount of time staring at him, and Janet notices that Columbia looks better than ever when she's wearing Frank's clothes as opposed to the clothes she normally picks for herself.
Frank finally calls "Time!" and he places everyone on stage left to right, in the order they'll be singing. He then runs backstage to get ready for his grand entrance, and hits the switch for the lights and music.
(Reminder: All lyrics are Richard O'Brien and Jim Sharman originals, except when they are bolded. There is but one bold word in this number. Freaky, eh?)
The spotlight turns on Columbia, as she begins to sing and dance:
It was great when it all began
I was a regular Frankie fan
But it was over when he had the plan
To start working on a muscle man
Now the only thing that gives me hope
Is my love of a certain dope
Rose tints my world
Keeps me safe from my trouble and pain
Rocky's turn:
I'm just seven hours old
Truly beautiful to behold
And somebody should be told
My libido hasn't been controlled
Now the only thing I've come to trust
Is an orgasmic rush of lust
Rose tints my world
And keeps me safe from my trouble and pain
Now Brad:
It's beyond me
Help me, Mommy
I'll be good, you'll see
Take this dream away
What this, let's see
I feel sexy
What's come over me?
Woo! Here it comes again
Finally Janet's turn:
I feel released
Bad times deceased
My confidence has increased
Reality is here
The game has been disbanded
My mind has been expanded
It's a gas that Frankie's landed
His lust is so sincere
The four contestants on stage all freeze in place, as the spotlight moves to the top of a stairway in the centre. Frank walks out in front of a giant jukebox, which is adorned with a picture of King Kong and Fay Wray – an homage to his beloved Clorilla.
Whatever happened to Fay Wray?
That delicate satin draped frame
As it clung to her thigh, how I started to cry
'Cause I wanted to be loved just the same
Frank now jumps effortlessly off the top of the stairway and into a giant ball pit, which has mysteriously appeared center stage. He continues to sing as he lies on his back, surrounded by colorful balls. The others soon join him.
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Now the entire group exits the ball pit and climbs onto the second stage riser, where they dance the can-can, as Frank continues to sing:
I'm a wild and an untamed thing
I'm a bee with a deadly sting
You get a hit and your mind goes ping
Your heart'll pump and your blood will sing
So let the party and the sounds rock on
We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone
Rose tint my world
Keep me safe from my trouble and pain
They all stop and stare as suddenly Riff Raff and Magenta appear in the orchestra pit! They've obviously been feeling hurt and left out of all the fun, as they've chosen to adorn themselves in the same wild costumes that the others are wearing. Riff Raff is pointing a super soaker water gun at Frank. He begins to sing – but not on key.
Frank-N-Furter, it's all over
Your mission is a failure
Your lifestyle's too extreme
I'm your new commander
You now are my prisoner
We return to Carolinia
Prepare the transit beam
Frank: What in the h*ll are you talking about?
Riff: I can't take it anymore. You said we’d be moving back to Carolinia, that you can't stand it out here, yet somehow I’m still standing somewhere awfully close to Hollywood. Not going to parties or clubs, or meeting cool celebrities, but just hanging out in this weird house, watching tv, and dodging questions from your nosy followers.
Frank: Back to Carolinia? My old home?
Riff: Yes. It was your idea, remember? That's why you created some new persona? So that he could stay and entertain all your fans while you slipped back to Carolinia to live your life in peace? And I could maybe leave you alone for an hour or two?
Frank: Yes, yes, I do remember. It seems so long ago that I left Carolinia and began my new life here. (he stares at Brad in recognition) And now, I'm ready to go home again. (He begins to sing.)
On the day I went away
Goodbye
Was all I had to say
Now I
I want to come again and stay
Oh my
Smile, and that will mean I may
'Cause I've seen blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize I'm going home
Everywhere, it's been the same
Free to try and find a game
Cards for sorrow
Cards for pain
'Cause I've seen blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize I'm going home
Riff Raff: (losing patience) Now, Frank.
Frank: Don't boss me!
Riff Raff: Just move it. Do you have to stop and sing about everything? It's getting old.
Dr. Scott: Speaking of singing, who's going to record that CD for me?
Janet: I am! (pauses) Aren't I?
Dr. Scott: Well, I suppose you can be the artistic consultant or executive producer or something. I really just need someone to keep an eye on the talent, especially after Eddie ran out on me the way he did.
Janet: (looking in a downward direction between Frank, Rocky, and Brad) Keep an eye on the talent. Right. I can do that.
Dr. Scott: Don't let him out of your sight!
Janet: Yes sir. (pauses again) Don't let who out of my sight?
Frank: Whom.
Janet: Whom. Don't let whom out of my sight?
Dr. Scott: (puts hand on chin and looks at both Brad and Rocky, then settles back on Brad) You have a great voice, but I'm not sure you have what it takes to be a pop star. Maybe you should come to Hollywood and see what we can do with you. (turns back to Rocky) You have a great look and a great voice. I think you're just what the public wants right now. They just need to open their minds and prepare for something different.
Rocky: Unngh.
Janet: (patting his shoulder) Don't worry, Rocky. If your fans don't understand it, I'll be there to explain everything.
And so the guests all thank Frank for his hospitality, however bizarre it may have seemed. He and Riff Raff and Magenta head back to their beloved Carolinia, but as Frank is a bit of a free spirit, he's still seen out and about in all sorts of places. Columbia and Dr. Scott head back to Hollywood, while Janet links arms with Brad on one side and Frank on the other, and wonders how in the world she'll ever manage so much man.
I for one can't wait to find out.
Sing it for me, giant shell-pink lips:
Science fiction, double feature
Frank has built and lost his creature
Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet
The servants gone to a distant planet
Wo oh oh oh oh oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show
I want to go
Oh oh oh oh
To the late night, double feature, picture show
finis
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