2006-01-14 - 12:22 p.m.
Roclay Horror Picture Show, Part 2
If you haven?t already done so, read part 1 here.
Brad and Janet have backed up towards an elevator. Janet bumps into it first and turns around only to scream and faint at the first sign of its inhabitant. Brad catches her as the man, Dr. Frank. N. Furter (Orange-shirted 90s JBT Clay) exits toward his awaiting throng of rabid guests. He begins to sing and strut.
How do you do
I see you've met my faithful handyman
He's just a little brought down because
When you knocked
He thought you were the candyman
Don't get strung out by the way I look
Don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man when I'm all alone
But with a mic, I'm one heck of a lover
(He forcefully grabs the mic stand and starts the usual debacling. Several in the audience moan and swoon.)
I'm just a sweet pop singer
From Raleigh North, Carolinia
Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
You look like you're both pretty groovy
Or if you want something visual
That's not too abysmal
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie
(Brad interrupts)
I'm glad we caught you at home
Could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry
We'll just say where we are
Then go back to the car
We don't want to be any worry
(Back to Frank)
Well you got caught with a flat
Well how?bout that
Well babies don't you panic
By the light of the night
It'll all seem alright
I'll get you a dynamic mechanic
I'm just a sweet pop singer
From Raleigh North, Carolinia
Why don't you stay for the night
Or maybe a bite
I could show you my favorite obsession
I've been making a man
With red hair and no tan
And he's good for relieving some tension
I'm just a sweet pop singer
From Raleigh North, Carolinia (he rips the mic from its stand and starts to strut back toward the elevator)
So come up to the lab
And see what's on the slab
I see you shiver with antici...pation
But maybe the rain
Isn't really to blame
So I'll remove the cause (he tosses mic to Riff Raff)
But not the symptom
Frank slams shut the elevator doors and goes up to his "lab" alone. The fans in attendance take a moment to compose themselves, and then slowly head up some nearby stairs.
Janet, who'd fainted again when Frank brushed by her on his way to the elevator, comes to, and is shocked to find that Magenta and Riff Raff are removing her and Brad?s wet clothing.
Janet: Brad! What's going on?
Brad: Just play along, Janet. We'll pull out our aces when the time is right.
Janet checks to see where Brad may be hiding his aces, since he no longer has any sleeves. She's surprised to see that he's been wearing nylon basketball shorts under his baggy khakis, along with a V-neck tank-top undershirt. Her reaction is nothing compared to Brad and everybody else's surprise when it's revealed that Janet is wearing an old-fashioned bloomers and camisole set.
Janet: What? I'm Canadian.
Columbia passes by them and smirks.
Columbia: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank?s laboratory. Some people would give their right arm to see it.
Brad: People like you maybe.
Columbia: (snottily) I've already seen it. (She smirks again as she gets on the elevator with Brad, Janet, Riff Raff, and Magenta.)
When the elevator stops, we can see that Frank is already in his "lab," which looks like more of a very large, round massage room, and is already positioned before "the slab," which is obviously just a massage table with somebody lying on top of it, completely covered by a white sheet.
Frank snaps and wiggles his fingers, signaling Columbia and the two servants to complete the preparations for the grand unveiling. Meanwhile, he approaches Brad and Janet with his hand outstretched.
Frank: I see we have visitors.
Brad: Yes, I'm Brad Majors, and this is my executive producer, Janet Weisskopf.
Janet: Weiss.
Brad: Janet Weiss.
Frank (kissing Janet's hand): Enchante. And what charming underclothes you both have.
Janet giggles at the kiss, but blushes as Frank continues to inspect her and Brad. The other party-goers are standing behind a guard rail at the perimeter of the round room. They laugh and clap appreciatively at every move their host makes.
Frank: It's not very often that we receive visitors here, let alone offer them hospitality.
Brad: Hospitality? Hospitality? All we wanted to do was borrow a phone, dagnabbit, a simple request which you've chosen to ignore!
Janet: Don't sound so ungrateful, Brad.
Brad: Ungrateful? (He whips off his glasses and stares at Frank, who stares at Brad in return.)
Frank: How forceful you are, Brad. So....dominant. You must be very proud, Janet.
Janet: Oh yes, I certainly am.
Frank: Do you sing, Brad?
Brad: A little.
Frank: Do you dance?
Brad: Certainly not!
Frank (to Janet): How 'bout you?
Janet (still giggling): Oh no, I don't really do anything musical.
Frank: Watch this. (to the other guests): Do the typewriter!! (They comply.) Now the reebok! (They all switch.) Now this half back to the typewriter and this half I want you to do the running man! (They all do so.) (Back to Brad and Janet): They're just like toys.
Riff Raff: Everything is ready, Master.
Frank: Thank you, Riff Raff. (He walks to the mic stand and the guests swoon a little in anticipation.) Good evening, my unconventional conventionists. You're here today to see the birth of my brand new persona. I discovered him quite by accident. After months and months of delay, I realized the answer was staring me in the face the whole time. Now, I will be free to return to my beloved Carolinia, as my new persona will remain to entertain you. He sings and he dances (lots of oohs and ahhs from audience) and (dramatic pause) he doesn?t wear an undershirt! (Huge cheers!)
Frank walks to the massage table and begins to lift the middle section of the sheet.
Frank: I present to you ? Rock! Star! Clay!
He lifts the sheet in one smooth move to find Rock!Star!Clay! sleeping beneath it. He gives him a little nudge and whispers to Riff Raff.
Frank: I thought I told you to wake him up!
Riff Raff: We did! I have no idea what happened.
Frank (nudging Rocky awake): I present to you ? Rock! Star! Clay!
Now, "Rocky" is finally fully awake and is surprised to hear all the screams and cheering from the assembled guests. He sits up on the massage table to get his bearings. He then stands up to see if he has an avenue of escape. The crowd goes wild as they see Rocky in all his glory. He's wearing a gold lame Elvis-style jumpsuit, which hugs his muscular thighs and reveals a patch of reddish gold hair on his gleaming chest. He's really NOT wearing an undershirt. Rocky jumps off the massage table and begins to run toward the crowd. He sings as he circles the entire room, and even goes behind the guard rail, where he's manhandled by the cheering guests.
Rocky sings with a very rich and soulful voice He even throws in a few growls for good measure:
The Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head
And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread
Oh, woe is me
My life is a misery
Oh, can't you see
That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer
I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed
And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread
My high is low
I'm dressed up with no place to go
And all I know
Is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer
Rocky finally realizes that he can't escape, and even though he's got some great thighs, he's really not all that athletic, so all his running has tired him out. He resignedly sits back on the massage table. Frank walks toward him with eyebrows raised. He's clearly a little jealous of all the attention Rocky received, even though he himself asked for it.
Frank: Rocky. Is that any way to behave on your first day out? (Rocky pouts a little.) But since I'm such a nice guy, I can forgive you. (whispers to Rocky) I made you and I can break you.
Frank gestures for the crowd to applaud his magnanimous attitude. They do so.
Frank: So. What do you think?
Riff Raff: (unenthusiastically) A marvel.
Magenta: (equally unenthusiastically) You're a genius, Master.
Columbia: He's okay.
Frank: Okay?!? Okay!?! (marches Rocky toward Brad and Janet) What do you think, Janet?
Janet: I don't really like men with too many growls.
Frank: Hmph. I didn't make him for you! Come on, Rocky. Let?s go to the studio, where in just seven days, I can make you the biggest rock star the world has ever seen.
(editorial note: I'd really love to hear Clay sing the Charles Atlas Song [In just seven days, I can make you a man], but try as I might, I can find no way to rewrite the lyrics and work it in to my story. So feel free to pause and imagine Clay singing it while he has some fun on a pommel horse.)
Frank and Rocky head toward the recording studio, which is housed behind a secret door in the cherry wood paneling, when suddenly a motorcycle comes bursting into the room from another secret door!
To be continued...
Continue to Part 3
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