2005-10-28 - 7:56 p.m.
JNT2005
or the Not a Concert, Part deux
Rehearsals are set to begin the next day. Clay is proud to allow the Broads a glimpse at the scripts he’s written for several of his vignettes. They notice, though, that several blank spaces appear where lines would normally be written.
Amy E: Clay, if I don’t have any lines, how am I supposed to know what to say?
Clay: Good question, Amy. You see, I started writing these vignettes with the greatest intentions, and then I discovered that writing is hard work when you don’t have a co-author. Thankfully I also realized that since memorizing lines is really over-rated anyway, we could do more of an improvisation than a set script. So I’ve written the basics for my vignettes, and the actors will have to supply the rest of their lines, making sure to stick to the theme of the vignette. It’ll also keep things fresh for people going to their seventh or eighth show. Yes, Karen Eh, I’m looking at you.
Allison: So what’s the first scene supposed to be about?
Clay: Another good question, Allison. First, let me introduce you to one of our cast members. I found a charming red-headed boy from Raleigh who’s going to play “Peyton,” an intelligent, somewhat sassy, and inquisitive child who lives with his mother “Kaye.” Keep in mind that these characters have no basis in real life, but come entirely from my imagination.
Jill: I like coming from just my imagination.
Clay: Did I mention that he’s only ten years old? Behave yourselves. Come on in, Peyton. (Broads greet him appropriately.) In this first scene, Peyton and Kaye are making home-made Christmas ornaments that they deliver to their friends and neighbors every year. We want to inspire our audiences to reach out to their family members and other people in the community. Even if you don’t feel the Christmas spirit, if you behave as though you do, it will come to you in unexpected ways.
Amy E: Say....weren’t you the one delivering the Christmas spirit yesterday?
Clay: I was spreading the Good News about the birth of our Savior, so I guess you could say I was delivering some Christmas spirit as well. Why?
Amy E: Nothing. Just wondering if it ever gets awkward to do all that unexpected coming.
Carol (FL): (under breath) I’m sure if we did our share of the spreading, that would ease things up for the man.
Pam: Hee. I’d like to feel the Christmas spirit every day.
Clay: Broads! Could we just begin this scene please? Now, I need someone to play Kaye.
SuzyP Ooooh ooooh! Pick me!
Clay: Okay, Suzy. First come, first served. (pauses and looks at Broads pointedly) Don’t say it. (turns to actors) Now, Suzy, you and Peyton will be making Christmas ornaments. Don’t worry; Mary has the actual props so you can just concentrate on delivering the best scene possible. (Mary pulls some very home-made looking ornaments from her pockets and places them on a little table that she pulls from under her robes. Suzy and Peyton take their places on stage.) And....action!!
Peyton: Look, mama! I think this is the best ornament I ever made!
SuzyP: Wow, that’s really spectacular, honey. But I always think your balls are special.
Peyton: Even that one last year that had glue all over it?
SuzyP: Yes, honey, even that one. Sticky balls have a certain charm all their own. And isn’t it nice to see that as you get older, your balls just get better and better? Now, who should we give this one to?
Peyton: Well, there’s a girl in my class at school. She has dark hair and she sings in the choir. She has a voice like an angel.
SuzyP: (shaking head) No no no. There’s no way some brazen little North Carolina hussy is getting a hold of one of your balls, son. She is gonna have to wait in line! (strikes a ‘tude)
Peyton: (looking confused) Mr. Aiken, that’s not in the script.
Clay: (coming over and putting his hands over Peyton’s ears) Suzy! Remember, he’s only ten! Please stick to the script. You can start by saying “ornaments” instead of “balls.”
St. Lewd: Hee. Clay said “balls.”
Clay: You know what? Let’s just move on to the next part of this scene where Peyton and Fa..., er, Kaye go outside to pull taffy. Allison, you’ve been behaving yourself. Why don’t you take over for Suzy? Mary! We need taffy on the set. Stat!
(Allison replaces Suzy on stage and Mary hands her a huge wad of soft taffy that she pulls out from under her robes.)
Allison: (nervously) This is really warm.
Mary: Don’t worry; it’s not what you think. (glares at Nick) Someone just couldn’t keep his hands off of it. There’s a reason, Nick, that we give you the water bottle and the cellphone. Two hands. Two palm-sized objects. Please occupy yourself with those from now on.
Nick: First of all, the water bottle is not a palm sized object.
Clay: (under breath) Speak for yourself.
Nick: Secondly, you promised to call Clay’s cell phone every five or ten minutes so that I could feel it vibrate. And when was the last time you called it, huh? Like fifteen minutes ago! I got bored. Sue me.
Mary: Can’t you just mix it up a bit by alternating between your left and right like Clay does? Pffft. (The two make a series of faces at each other as they walk off-stage.)
Clay: I run a tight ship, don’t I? *ahem* Getting back to the scene. Allison and Peyton, start pulling taffy!
Peyton: Mama, you’re pulling too hard, it keeps slipping out of my hands.
Allison: You just have to get a better grip, son. See how mama does it?
Peyton: But you’re stronger than I am. You’re yanking too hard!
Allison: Don’t be silly. Why, in just a few years, you’ll have amazing strength in your forearms. C’mon, son, pull harder. You can do it!
Peyton: I’m getting it, Mama! Look! It’s getting stiffer already.
Allison: (lets go) Sorry. I can’t do this.
Clay: Why not? That scene was going great.
Allison: He's only ten years old. I’m starting to feel kinda icky.
Clay: Why? Pulling taffy is a wholesome activity the whole family can enjoy.
Peyton: Mr. Aiken?
Clay: Yes?
Peyton: Are we going to finish so I can get some taffy?
Clay: I’m trying, son. Here, Carol, why don’t you grab this end and I’ll finish the pulling with you. It’s almost stiff enough already.
Carol (FL): I’m not surprised, what with your grip and my experience. C’mon, Clay, you can yank it harder than that.
Clay: Are you telling me that you pulled taffy in Florida? Does it even get cold enough?
Carol (FL): I’ve never pulled taffy in my life.
Clay: Well, you’d never know it. Look! It’s perfectly stiff now! Time to cut the length into bite sized pieces so we can wrap them and toss them out to the audience.
Jill: What? You can’t cut it into pieces!
Carol (FL): No no no! See how long and smooth and gorgeous it is.
Clay: (admiring the candy in his hand) I’ll admit it’s a nice piece of taffy, but you can’t really eat something this big.
All Broads: Yuh huh.
Clay: Peyton, I think it’s time you went back stage and got your tutoring done for the day. Maybe there’s a retired teacher, (raises voice so someone in the distance can hear) maybe someone who still holds a valid teaching license from the State of North Carolina, who can help you.
Peyton: But what about my candy?
Clay: What candy?
Peyton: The taffy, Mr. Aiken. You said that if I remembered all my lines and acted (trying to remember the exact words) sufficiently cute, but not cuter than you, that I could have two pieces of taffy with my Happy Meal.
Clay: I did, didn’t I? Here, take this back to Mary and she’ll take care of you. I’ve got a few other folks I need to take care of....
TO BE CONTINUED....
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