2005-10-30 - 12:58 p.m.
INTERMISSION
Let’s start with a little quiz, shall we?
Question 1: What do the following four pics have in common?
A: Clay looks hawt.
B: I was bawling like a baby because the show was almost over.
C: I was trying to figure out whether to head to the buses or to the nearest bar where I could drink away my sorrows because I had no idea whether Clay would ever sing for meeeeee! again.
D: All of the above.
The correct answer should be D, and if you didn’t pick it, you’re in denial. I’m neither a crier nor a drinker, but the tears came along with the wish for some sort of numbing agent to take away the pain because the show was OVER!
(Note: If your answer was "Oh Cool! I was at all of those concerts!" just know that I hate you, but would really like to be your best friend forever.)
Question 2: One of these things is not like the others, which one is different, do you know? Can you tell me which thing is not like the others? I’ll tell you if it is so:
The correct answer is again D. And it’s not just because Clay isn’t sporting stubble (mmmmm....stubble), but because the final on-stage moment of the JBT was not an encore. (I know some feel the Open Arms with Kelly wasn’t “technically” an encore either, but it was close enough.)
Many fans weren’t overly upset about the lack of encore for the JBT, because the JBT was more of a themed show than a pop concert. That brings up:
Question 3: Will there be an encore for the JNT2005?
Answer: How the heck am I supposed to know? Clay never tells me anything. That’s why I’m constantly forced to make up my own stuff.
So I did.
JNT2005
or the Not a Concert, part trois...INTERMISSION
After a break in rehearsals, where the Broads received not only a good scolding from Clay for their inappropriate behavior, but also a Happy Meal, they return to the set, ready to work. They are now in a much better place to deliver Clay’s message about reaching out to others, as they understand the internal satisfaction one feels by the joyful and unexpected giving and receiving of gifts, especially the long, sweet ones.
Clay: I know some of you are curious about whether or not this show will have an encore, and I’m not quite ready to let you in on that little secret. I will tell you about another excellent idea I had – some may even call it avant garde. *winks to CaroleZ* Ready for it? An encore at intermission! But not a song encore – a vignette encore! What do you think of that?
OH Cindy: I’m not sure what you mean.
CaroleZ: Wouldn’t the last scene before intermission just be the “last scene before intermission?”
Clay: No! The first act will finish and I’ll even announce that we’re taking twenty minutes for intermission, and then suddenly, before you know it, another scene will start on the stage! I just love telling people what to do and then changing my mind.
St. Lewd: A few more moments of unexpected Clay is always a good thing! I think you just proved that.
Clay: Well….you won’t be getting unexpected Clay. You’ll be getting unexpected local actors. And unexpected Nick! Nick is the star of this scene. We’re like a tag team. He’ll hand me my cell phone and water bottle as I leave the stage and he enters it. I need two people to be fighting over some must-have Christmas item…how about Nyeee and Lewd? (The two come right away and he hands them their partial scripts.) And….action!
(Nyeee and Lewd both approach a little merchandise set-up with one box left on the shelf. They reach for it simultaneously.)
Nyeee: Hands off, Lady! I saw it first.
Linda: You get your hands off! I’ve got the better grip on it and you know it!
Nyeee: My son will kill me if I don’t get this for him.
Lewd: And I’ve already promised it to my grandson! Now take your hands off it!
(Just then, the strains of Oh Holy Night, from the most magnificent Christmas album in the history of the world, Merry Christmas With Love, fills the air of the entire auditorium over the loudspeaker system. Lewd and Nyeee immediately calm down as they listen in wonder to the angelic voice of Clay Aiken. They both relax their grips on the box between them, and it eventually falls to the floor. Nick quietly sneaks over and picks it up with a satisfied smirk. Their reverie ends as a distant “clerk” breaks in and asks for a “Price check in aisle 6.”)
Nyeee: Well, I guess I didn’t need that toy so badly after all.
Lewd: Me neither. I’m sure my grandson will be just as happy with a Merry Christmas With Love CD.
Nyeee: I already got one for my son last year. Hmmm, I wish they sold some other Clay Aiken merchandise here...I could take care of my entire Christmas list.
Clay’s Voice over the Loudspeaker: Today is your lucky day! You can’t buy Clay Aiken items at your local stores, but you can buy them at every stop of the Joyful Noise Tour 2005! During intermission, check out the merchandise stands for a complete supply of clothing, Christmas, and stationary items for all those hard-to-please folks on your Christmas lists.
But remember! This doesn’t have to happen again next year. It’s best to get your shopping done early. So next summer, pick up plenty of copies of my new CD, which isn’t out yet, but will be out by then. I think. We’re working on it. At any rate, it’ll be out in plenty of time for Christmas 2006, and will make a perfect stocking stuffer. Start saving now! (It’s obvious now that Clay has turned away from his microphone, but it’s still picking up the sound of his voice.) Heh. Let the critics say whatever they want about it. I know I can stuff a stocking like nobody else’s business.
(All the Broads rush out to where the merchandise stands would be, but as this is only a rehearsal, they are sadly disappointed that they don’t get to fondle all the new Clay goods. Luckily for them, Clay fills their orders anyway.)
TO BE CONTINUED....?
I do have one more vignette all drawn up in my head, but it’s just a matter of getting it written out before the concert on Wednesday….otherwise people will think I stole the idea from Clay. Because I just know he’s going to use one of these ideas. Not because they’re super fantastic, even though THEY ARE, but because we have a conn.ec.tion, y’all.
Thanks to hockeydonna, invisible926, tasapio, and jojoct for the pretty concert pics, and for everything else you do!
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